In my head.....

My, my, my, it has been a while, huh? But, here I am.

I have so many different 'things' rolling around in my head and my hear right now. How can I express myself when there is so much to say and so little ways in which to describe it?

Snapshot of me: I'm lazy and unmotivated, yet overwhelmed by my situations. I'm confused and my mind is a CONSTANT flurry of thoughts, feelings, problems. I'm not, not happy, I'm not depressed, I'm restless but can't be bothered to move, I'm up and down and all over the place.

I guess maybe its the hormones - puberty, they say, but man oh man, it feel like so much more. I think the world takes this time in our lives way to lightly. Teenagers are the subjects of the elder's whining and our parents frustration, we are belittled by those around us because of our age, and yet our perspective on the world and life is being shaped by those whose roll their eyes at our antics.

Being a teenager is not something we can turn off, and when you were young you couldn't either, stop trying to make us act like we are something we are not - we are not adults, despite what you may think or perceive, we are NOT adults. Get over it.

Remember how it felt, remind yourself and when you talk to us don't talk to us as if oh-I'm-past-this-stage-in-my-life-threfore-I'm-better-wiser-cooler-more-deverloped blah blah blah.

So yeah, my mind is pretty crazy right now, but life will go on, and get better and I will move on and though this is a slightly personal post, it's how I feel, this is my heart. There are so many other things that I could share, I could tell you my opinions, or share about my adventures...but right now, these are my thoughts, this inside my head just a glimpse of the person beneath the sometimes facade.

In the Desert...

Kind of a cryptic title, but it seems to have fit my life of late. Sure there have been plenty of fantastic memories that have been made in the last few months, but sometimes no matter how good the good times, the bad times seem worse.

School has been stressful and church has been dry, I felt like God wasn't there. Sure he's real, I know that because I've felt his touch but sometimes one touch isn't enough ,which is great I guess, shows that you want more from God, that you have a desire for him, to be in his presence.

No matter what I did, I felt pretty far from where I wanted to be with God. Which made what was stressful with school seem a million times harder. I'm not meaning to complain in this post, or to justify myself, I'm just trying to understand. Understand myself, the situation, my relationship with God, it just feels like a lot to juggle at once.

Really? I shouldn't need to juggle because it should be in God's hands, and you know God? He doesn't need to juggle. So my problem seems to be one of control. Not how to control, but who to control. I know with my head that it's God, but you can't give your heart to him with your head now can you?

At my school I commonly hear a phrase going somewhat along the lines of 'When I gave my heart to God', or 'Have you given God your heart?'. Which makes giving your heart to God sound like a one-off thing...Which it's NOT. Let me tell you, it's not 'taking up your cross once', it's 'taking up your cross daily'.


That's what I struggle with, having to DAILY surrender my life into his hands and trust that he knows what he's doing. I know it sounds stupid but in all seriousness it's harder than you think. So, lately I've been in a valley, or desert of sorts, and I've had to come to grips with the fact that God is NOT going to leave me, he WILL lead and guide me, and that he really does know best; I need to really, just lay it in his hands.

Moving on to topics not so heavy, I just returned from one absolutely AWESOME week (four days but whatever) camping with my girlies! We had such a good time and grew so much closer.

Me with Cinta (above)

Me with Katie (below)

Also my brother and sister are back in Australia! WOO! Looking forwards to spending one great Christmas and New Year with them!

Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

. . .

I just wanted to share a verse with y'all that has really blessed me over the past weeks,

May the LORD direct your Heart into the Love of  GOD and into the Patience of CHRIST.

2 Thessalonians 3:5

That is my heart's desire to be directed by God into the Love and patience of Christ. Sorry for my lack of updating, both of the camera's are now broken....*tear*, and about that I'm devastated, but I'll live. We've also been super busy lately with, you know, life....

But I love you all and I will try and make this a regular thing again... <3 

Getting Back into It....

It's actually th 3rd of July today,

So my camera's beena a bit messed up lately...aka broken. So much to my dismay and dissappointment I have not been able to get out there and take some pics of God's awesome creation.

But thanks to my mum's camera I have been able to get out there again, it's not as good as my old camera but it has a surprisingly good macro setting YAY! The macro on a camera is really important to me becasue the majority of the pics I take are using macro.

So last Sunday I went out there and took some piccies, trying out the macro and getting a feel for this 'less good' camera. My parents are away this weekend so I'm staying at a friends place, sadly the conference/retreat fell on the same weekend as my birthday..... (today)

But that's ok, it's been a great day so far and I'm thankful for that. School's finished up fo now and I'll be relaxing away. =D The holidays are looking good! But enough of that let's get to it and check out those piccies!

So yeah, hope you enjoyed! My Birthday today, my 'rents are away, I'm at a friends place, and speaking at church today...LIFE is GOOD!

Life Lately

So as I have been super slack in posting any post at all lately I thought I might as well write to justify my super slackness by saying…”Yeah man, I’ve been just, super busy”.

Well I haven’t just been lazing around the house to clarify and I HAVE been in the process of writing on humongous Vanuatu post that is not at this point finished yet….ugh, I did so many things and had SO much fun while I was over there, totally recommend it to any exotic holiday-er.

Schools been back and been busy. I’ve handed in, and have been given so, so, so, many assignments in the last couple of weeks it’s NOT funny. I had my girlies over for a sleepover we ate so much junk food and watched 5 movies consecutively… tried to talk about guys but considering we already knew everyone’s deep and darkest there was kind of no point.

So now here I am preparing for year 8 camp, thinking about how my parents are ditching me on my birthday, not sure how to reply to an email that really shouldn’t be that hard cause I’m a lazy bum. My nieces, sis and bro-in-law are long gone back to H.K, Ant’s continuing his world travels by going to Canada and I’m here… at home.

It’s the June long weekend, I’ll be going to the movies this arvo with some church friends to see Pirates of the Caribbean 4 and it’s gonna be sick! So just wanted to check in again and hopefully it won’t take me this long to post again!

'Growing Up'

It's a term that I had come to loathe in my earlier childhood years. And whenever the term 'It's all part of growing up', was stated to me I would instantly cringe and mentally ask myself why that person was so....up themselves.

To me it would seem that they know all, knew all and is just about to TELL me all. It would seriously get on my nerves. And that person regardless of who they were, were instantly in my 'bad books' as such.

It's not necessarily the saying itself and I will come back to this later but the tone and context of which it will always, always be used in. For example a conversation will be going like this....(you are talking to an OLDER ~ 40+ adult by the way)

You: "I had a fight with a friend at school today".

Adult: "Really"?

You: "Yeah, my friend got upset over nothing and was, like, full balling her eyes out and everything". "Even though I didn't do anything I was the one that had to say sorry".

Adult: *Gives sympathetic look*, "Listen, Listen, Listen, let me tell you something."

You: *Waiting expectantly for some big chunk of wisdom and knowledge that is going to help the situation*

Adult: "It's all just part of growing up."

You: Yep, there goes name into me bad books.

Is this just me? But that annoys me!!!! I think "Well, why don't you GROW up!" I know that's kind of harsh and mean but really? Is that saying necessary in this context and conversation?

Coming back to the saying itself, I've begun to find out that really there is some truth to it, but not to the context that it will mainly be used in, in todays English language. I've found that there are just some things that you can't pass by in life, you can't build a bypass, you can't detour them and you can't remove them entirely either.

At some point in every singe persons life that has ever come into existence, they are going to ask themselves, Is there a purpose to life? Is there a purpose to living? Is there God worth believing in? How did I get here? And all those other questions that are IMPORTANT to every single persons life.

This is where I think the statement 'It's all part of growing up' could be used in it's proper context. Because really, you can't go through your life without ever asking a question like this. Also I don't think it will be just questions, you can't go through life without having a first crush and first love.

It is just humanly impossible. All of these things and questions are 'part of growing up'. Anyone that's reading this, for future reference, I think it would be wise to remember NOT to say this to me. =D

Too Long

Man, my life is so boring. My sister, she blogs like twice a week and I'm lucky now to get in about twice a month! I don't know if it's just because I'm lazy and and unmotivated or the fact that I know what I write is not going to make any large changes in the world.

It's not going to be emotional, or life-changing. Just on comparison to my sisters blog again, she writes not just for her own personal enjoyment but for her readers. She has so many followers and half the time I don't even know if I'm the only one that reads my own blog.

It's kinda depressing to make that comparison so I'm not gonna go there. But yeah my life is not all that interesting. And now that I sit down and think about it, I have no real reason to write this other that for myself.

And now that I think about I don't lead an awfully interesting life that people want to hear about, because they do exactly the same things in their daily lives. And I don't think you want to hear a normal day re-told to you.

Anyway...I'm bored, my life is boring and this blog...may also equal that. Hope you day has been slightly more interesting than mine! =D

*Insert Title Here*

But I haven't been doing much...because of school cause all I do, think and say now school because I'm back at school. So that's kinda disappointing...but the one thing I have done is begun to look through all my photos...or some of them anyway.

Usually as oppose to LOOKING at my photos I would be taking them... but my camera has gone funny... so yeah. But I thought I'd share with you some of the ones that I really like...I'd love for you to let me know what you think....what ones you like...the ones you don't....I'd love to have feedback.. because I don't get a lot of that....

I mean I must be.....hmm... I dunno friendless....I don't even get E-MAILS!! *Gives Jacinta (friend of mine) severe death stare*. =D So here are some of my photographic efforts... These are mainly my favorite pictures.

These are only a few, I have a couple more that I would love to share with you. And in a couple of days I blog again with some more pics...but don't forget to tell me what you think!! You like? You no like? =D

My, My, My How the Time Flies!!!

Well so far I have the most excellent school holidays! I've caught up with friends, saw some movies had the most awesome, amazing conference and done a bit of cleaning and sorting...although that ain't the best....

Also my big bro came back for Chrissy...=D...YAY, had the greatest time catching up with him again. But seriously most of my holidays are almost gone! And then I'll be heading back to school....I like school so I'm actually looking forwards to that.

But man has the time flown! I mean....gosh.....look at the DATE!

That was taken yesterday hence that fact that I'm pointing at the 22nd as oppose to the 23rd.

So anyways, I was saying before that we were doing a bit of cleaning.....well me and mum spent the whole day and I mean the WHOLE day sorting through my cupboard and my clothes there was four piles... chuck-out, keep, give to Hannah (little girl from church) and give to Annalise (another girl from church a year younger than me).

Anyway the chuck-out pile was fairly large but with the size of the garbage bags we filled up for the two girls some would think I was giving away my whole cupboard....but no.....yeah I love clothes....and I tend to hang onto the ones I really like for longer than is probably necessary.

So my cupboards are cleaned out, sorted, and folded and looking very nice if I do say so myself...but even though we went through MY entire cupboard...there are still some items that do not belong to me that I don't have the permission to touch....they have earned the 'special' top shelf position....out of sight out of mind.

Look at how good that's all folded....Thanks Mum!!!

Lately the weather has been gorgeous with warm sunny days with the nicest breezes blowing. So I've been out in front garden taking pictures of all of the gorgeous native daises we have out there. So, so, so, pretty!!!

So life isn't that busy or interesting at the moment....but that's ok....but please pray for me my sinuses are all clogged up and I'm not doing to great your prayers would be greatly appreciated!

Also I want to especially say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my big bro, best wishes, I love you heaps...always will...thinking of you today, enjoy yourself!!!!!

Me and my Bro!

Hope all of you are having a wonderful time whether you be on holidays, at work or just sitting around home...like me....=D. Sorry for the delay in all my posts.....I have to be in the mood.

2011

Well......a year has gone by.....so much has happened.....I don't even know what to say really. It went by so fast people have changed, I have changed, and it all went by in the blink of an eye. What I thought was new suddenly became old and made way for something else that is new.

Well saying goodbye is never easy, and each time New Years comes around we say goodbye to everything that has happened in the passing year, all of the situations, good or bad and everything else that is holding us back from a new year and a new start.

But what we should always hold onto from every year that has passed and every year that is coming are the memories and the joys of what 2010 has been for us. This is a new time. Fresh. Anything can happen this year, and I'm looking forward to it!

This year is a time of moving forward, putting away all of the things that are going to pull me down, pull me away, and I'm holding onto everything that is going to bring me up and push me forward.

I want to dedicate this year to God, and every year that I'm going to be alive for, to him. This year is a time of change, a time to put our resolutions into action!

So Lord? What are you going to do for me this year? I want to present to myself, as a living sacrifice unto you, use me as you will, for your purpose. That I may shine for you and for your glory. That this year will be yours and that all my dreams and desires will become yours, Lord you are my new year resolution! I pray that during this year I will do what is pleasing to you, that I will make a difference for you! Amen.

What are you going to do in the coming year?

MERRY...wait for it...CHRISTMAS!!!

Today around the world a day of joy, love and peace is being celebrated. This won't be a long post, not even a medium OR small post, it will be tiny! But I wanted to take the time to wish all my 'many' readers and followers a very, very, Merry Christmas. Have a wonderful day!

Day 1 - Camping, Pebbly Beach

Ok, so here goes, if any of you are curious of the whereabouts of 'Pebbly Beach', it is about a 15 minute drive out of Batemans Bay. If you don't know where that is look it up on google earth or something.

Anyway today was the day we were going to be making the trip down the coast to Pebbly, we woke up in the early hours of the morning and quickly finished whatever packing that had not been completed the night before.

When all was packed (TIGHTLY might I add) into the car we were off driving down the road (at 7:00am) towards Kiama to go pick up my bestie - Kaitlin. By the time we picked her up it was around 7:15am.

It was a long drive and the time felt increased by an hour because of all of the cushions we were squashed in the back with, it was like, "I feel like I'm sitting in a over-packed cupboard where you desperately try and hold back the contents from raining out on you when you open the door".

Anyways when we finally arrived it was 9:30am making the trip about two and a half hours long. We hadn't traveled down to Pebbly for about two years now, AND it used to be an ANNUAL trip!

But the old dusty that you would travel down to get to the entrance of the national park had millions.....and I mean MILLIONS of potholes, so instead of a leisurely ride through a gorgeous old forest we were sitting on the edges of our seats telling dad if there was a pot hole coming up so he could avoid it, it amazing how much shadows can look like potholes!

Anyway we did arrive safely and when we drove into the campground a strange sense of nostalgia came over me, I have such fond memories of this campground and this area as a child, actually ever since I was a baby, a newborn, me and my family came here for about a week each year.

As soon as we arrived we bounded out of the car and walked down to the beach for a bit of exploring, we walked along the beach heading towards the next 'beach' along, Pebbly Pebbly Beach, (for clarification the shore is all pebbles) we didn't quite go that far though. We found a couple of nice pebbles and shells but we didn't stay there for to long because we knew that we still had 3 tents to completely set up.

We helped dad set up the big tent for a while but, when the majority of it was finished we wanted to go back down to the beach, this time we went in the same direction this time constantly bending over to pick up shells, we walked along and along this time going all the way to Pebbly Pebbly Beach, but sadly, although it was probably for the best, I forgot my camera.

As we made our way back to the camp almost an hour later we had a seawater fight and both of us got ourselves fairly soaked, so yeah, it was a good thing that I forgot my camera.

By this time of day it was lunchtime and we indulged ourselves with the finer things in life, basically my lunch was a nuttella sandwich on white bread, mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm .... YUM!

One of my fondest memories of our once annual journey down to Pebbly Beach was the fact that wildlife there was very much used to humans and human attention and from my earliest memories I remember feeding the extravagant bird life and even the kangaroos. But this trip you would only see the 'roos early morning and late afternoon. And as for the bird life it seemed as if they hadn't been hand fed in years!!!!

But I stood there for a while after lunch with a handful of seed trying to lure one very timid King Parrot. Eventually I guess the temptation was to much for him because eventually he launched himself from the tree's branches onto my now aching arm that held his dream.....SEED!

The King Parrot...

And again...

A Rosella...

And a Rainbow Lorikeet...

So yeah we pretty much ignored the greenies safety-non-scientifically-proven-signs saying 'PLEASE DON'T FEED THE ANIMALS', well they survived fine before so those silly sign writers can just go and let us and the birds and other wildlife just do what we like. Ugh.

Anyway we left the birds to enjoy what was a heaven in the life as they know it, and headed out on another walk, yes to the beach, this time we went prepared and we brought with us little disposable plastic bags that would probably annoy those greenies even more. Hahaha.

Anyway, we filled those up on our walk, but I think this was my favourite walk of the day, we kind of just sat on the rocks and watched the waves roll in each time bringing different shells and pebbles for us to look at pick up and admire...then add to our bags.

What we found....

It was mid-afternoon now, and since we really didn't bring anything except for cans of tuna and spreads we needed to go shopping, so we headed into Batemans Bay. We filled up our trolley and headed back home.....nothing much interesting about that =D.

When we came back to the ground, we helped unload the car, and then we were off...yes this was our fourth walk of the day, on this walk we didn't go the same way we had for the past three walks we just went straight, heading directly to the ocean.

On this walk we sat in the sand talked, built sandcastles and ran around, Kaitlin went NUTS! Like SUPER NUTS!!!! We dug holes...."Must...Reach.....Water.....Must.....Reach....Water", so yeah that was good fun. We were doing that for awhile, but the we kinda got hungry so we headed back to camp for dinner.

We helped prepare dinner, then when it got dark we sat around the gas light for awhile, but after this full long day we were ready to go to bed, so we did, at nine that night we called it quits and went to bed.

In the process of getting into my P.J's that night I found that I was severely sunburned on my back and upper arms from constantly facing the sun on all of our walks....it was very hard to go to sleep that night.

Anyway, me and Katie needed to pee in the middle of the night so we got up and exited the tent, now when we went on one of our walks in middle of the day mum and dad happened to see one very large goanna.

They told us stories about how arrogant it was and all of that, but the one crucial detail they somehow forgot to mention to us was that they don't come out at night. So back to needing to pee.

We walked straight out of our little dome tent and there was this possum sitting there, we weren't too affected by that, but it certainly reminded us about the goanna, so we edged around it (the possum), and began the journey to the toilet.

At every little crunch or crack we would swing our torches around the place and look for an animal (goanna), and then huddle closer together, let me tell you, it was an experience that night, but we made it, to the toilet and back to our tent.

It was the perfect end to one very full and long first day of camping...

More stories to be told soon.....on Day 2.