My, my, my, it has been a while, huh? But, here I am.
I have so many different 'things' rolling around in my head and my hear right now. How can I express myself when there is so much to say and so little ways in which to describe it?
Snapshot of me: I'm lazy and unmotivated, yet overwhelmed by my situations. I'm confused and my mind is a CONSTANT flurry of thoughts, feelings, problems. I'm not, not happy, I'm not depressed, I'm restless but can't be bothered to move, I'm up and down and all over the place.
I guess maybe its the hormones - puberty, they say, but man oh man, it feel like so much more. I think the world takes this time in our lives way to lightly. Teenagers are the subjects of the elder's whining and our parents frustration, we are belittled by those around us because of our age, and yet our perspective on the world and life is being shaped by those whose roll their eyes at our antics.
Being a teenager is not something we can turn off, and when you were young you couldn't either, stop trying to make us act like we are something we are not - we are not adults, despite what you may think or perceive, we are NOT adults. Get over it.
Remember how it felt, remind yourself and when you talk to us don't talk to us as if oh-I'm-past-this-stage-in-my-life-threfore-I'm-better-wiser-cooler-more-deverloped blah blah blah.
So yeah, my mind is pretty crazy right now, but life will go on, and get better and I will move on and though this is a slightly personal post, it's how I feel, this is my heart. There are so many other things that I could share, I could tell you my opinions, or share about my adventures...but right now, these are my thoughts, this inside my head just a glimpse of the person beneath the sometimes facade.
Saturday 25 May 2013
Tuesday 20 December 2011
In the Desert...
Kind of a cryptic title, but it seems to have fit my life of late. Sure there have been plenty of fantastic memories that have been made in the last few months, but sometimes no matter how good the good times, the bad times seem worse.
School has been stressful and church has been dry, I felt like God wasn't there. Sure he's real, I know that because I've felt his touch but sometimes one touch isn't enough ,which is great I guess, shows that you want more from God, that you have a desire for him, to be in his presence.
No matter what I did, I felt pretty far from where I wanted to be with God. Which made what was stressful with school seem a million times harder. I'm not meaning to complain in this post, or to justify myself, I'm just trying to understand. Understand myself, the situation, my relationship with God, it just feels like a lot to juggle at once.
Really? I shouldn't need to juggle because it should be in God's hands, and you know God? He doesn't need to juggle. So my problem seems to be one of control. Not how to control, but who to control. I know with my head that it's God, but you can't give your heart to him with your head now can you?
At my school I commonly hear a phrase going somewhat along the lines of 'When I gave my heart to God', or 'Have you given God your heart?'. Which makes giving your heart to God sound like a one-off thing...Which it's NOT. Let me tell you, it's not 'taking up your cross once', it's 'taking up your cross daily'.
That's what I struggle with, having to DAILY surrender my life into his hands and trust that he knows what he's doing. I know it sounds stupid but in all seriousness it's harder than you think. So, lately I've been in a valley, or desert of sorts, and I've had to come to grips with the fact that God is NOT going to leave me, he WILL lead and guide me, and that he really does know best; I need to really, just lay it in his hands.
Moving on to topics not so heavy, I just returned from one absolutely AWESOME week (four days but whatever) camping with my girlies! We had such a good time and grew so much closer.
Also my brother and sister are back in Australia! WOO! Looking forwards to spending one great Christmas and New Year with them!
Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
School has been stressful and church has been dry, I felt like God wasn't there. Sure he's real, I know that because I've felt his touch but sometimes one touch isn't enough ,which is great I guess, shows that you want more from God, that you have a desire for him, to be in his presence.
No matter what I did, I felt pretty far from where I wanted to be with God. Which made what was stressful with school seem a million times harder. I'm not meaning to complain in this post, or to justify myself, I'm just trying to understand. Understand myself, the situation, my relationship with God, it just feels like a lot to juggle at once.
Really? I shouldn't need to juggle because it should be in God's hands, and you know God? He doesn't need to juggle. So my problem seems to be one of control. Not how to control, but who to control. I know with my head that it's God, but you can't give your heart to him with your head now can you?
At my school I commonly hear a phrase going somewhat along the lines of 'When I gave my heart to God', or 'Have you given God your heart?'. Which makes giving your heart to God sound like a one-off thing...Which it's NOT. Let me tell you, it's not 'taking up your cross once', it's 'taking up your cross daily'.
That's what I struggle with, having to DAILY surrender my life into his hands and trust that he knows what he's doing. I know it sounds stupid but in all seriousness it's harder than you think. So, lately I've been in a valley, or desert of sorts, and I've had to come to grips with the fact that God is NOT going to leave me, he WILL lead and guide me, and that he really does know best; I need to really, just lay it in his hands.
Moving on to topics not so heavy, I just returned from one absolutely AWESOME week (four days but whatever) camping with my girlies! We had such a good time and grew so much closer.
Me with Cinta (above)
Me with Katie (below)
Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Thursday 1 September 2011
. . .
I just wanted to share a verse with y'all that has really blessed me over the past weeks,
May the LORD direct your Heart into the Love of GOD and into the Patience of CHRIST.
2 Thessalonians 3:5
That is my heart's desire to be directed by God into the Love and patience of Christ. Sorry for my lack of updating, both of the camera's are now broken....*tear*, and about that I'm devastated, but I'll live. We've also been super busy lately with, you know, life....
But I love you all and I will try and make this a regular thing again... <3
Wednesday 29 June 2011
Getting Back into It....
It's actually th 3rd of July today,
So my camera's beena a bit messed up lately...aka broken. So much to my dismay and dissappointment I have not been able to get out there and take some pics of God's awesome creation.
But thanks to my mum's camera I have been able to get out there again, it's not as good as my old camera but it has a surprisingly good macro setting YAY! The macro on a camera is really important to me becasue the majority of the pics I take are using macro.
So last Sunday I went out there and took some piccies, trying out the macro and getting a feel for this 'less good' camera. My parents are away this weekend so I'm staying at a friends place, sadly the conference/retreat fell on the same weekend as my birthday..... (today)
But that's ok, it's been a great day so far and I'm thankful for that. School's finished up fo now and I'll be relaxing away. =D The holidays are looking good! But enough of that let's get to it and check out those piccies!
So my camera's beena a bit messed up lately...aka broken. So much to my dismay and dissappointment I have not been able to get out there and take some pics of God's awesome creation.
But thanks to my mum's camera I have been able to get out there again, it's not as good as my old camera but it has a surprisingly good macro setting YAY! The macro on a camera is really important to me becasue the majority of the pics I take are using macro.
So last Sunday I went out there and took some piccies, trying out the macro and getting a feel for this 'less good' camera. My parents are away this weekend so I'm staying at a friends place, sadly the conference/retreat fell on the same weekend as my birthday..... (today)
But that's ok, it's been a great day so far and I'm thankful for that. School's finished up fo now and I'll be relaxing away. =D The holidays are looking good! But enough of that let's get to it and check out those piccies!
So yeah, hope you enjoyed! My Birthday today, my 'rents are away, I'm at a friends place, and speaking at church today...LIFE is GOOD!
Monday 13 June 2011
Life Lately
So as I have been super slack in posting any post at all lately I thought I might as well write to justify my super slackness by saying…”Yeah man, I’ve been just, super busy”.
Well I haven’t just been lazing around the house to clarify and I HAVE been in the process of writing on humongous Vanuatu post that is not at this point finished yet….ugh, I did so many things and had SO much fun while I was over there, totally recommend it to any exotic holiday-er.
Schools been back and been busy. I’ve handed in, and have been given so, so, so, many assignments in the last couple of weeks it’s NOT funny. I had my girlies over for a sleepover we ate so much junk food and watched 5 movies consecutively… tried to talk about guys but considering we already knew everyone’s deep and darkest there was kind of no point.
So now here I am preparing for year 8 camp, thinking about how my parents are ditching me on my birthday, not sure how to reply to an email that really shouldn’t be that hard cause I’m a lazy bum. My nieces, sis and bro-in-law are long gone back to H.K, Ant’s continuing his world travels by going to Canada and I’m here… at home.
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