School has been stressful and church has been dry, I felt like God wasn't there. Sure he's real, I know that because I've felt his touch but sometimes one touch isn't enough ,which is great I guess, shows that you want more from God, that you have a desire for him, to be in his presence.
No matter what I did, I felt pretty far from where I wanted to be with God. Which made what was stressful with school seem a million times harder. I'm not meaning to complain in this post, or to justify myself, I'm just trying to understand. Understand myself, the situation, my relationship with God, it just feels like a lot to juggle at once.
Really? I shouldn't need to juggle because it should be in God's hands, and you know God? He doesn't need to juggle. So my problem seems to be one of control. Not how to control, but who to control. I know with my head that it's God, but you can't give your heart to him with your head now can you?
At my school I commonly hear a phrase going somewhat along the lines of 'When I gave my heart to God', or 'Have you given God your heart?'. Which makes giving your heart to God sound like a one-off thing...Which it's NOT. Let me tell you, it's not 'taking up your cross once', it's 'taking up your cross daily'.
That's what I struggle with, having to DAILY surrender my life into his hands and trust that he knows what he's doing. I know it sounds stupid but in all seriousness it's harder than you think. So, lately I've been in a valley, or desert of sorts, and I've had to come to grips with the fact that God is NOT going to leave me, he WILL lead and guide me, and that he really does know best; I need to really, just lay it in his hands.
Moving on to topics not so heavy, I just returned from one absolutely AWESOME week (four days but whatever) camping with my girlies! We had such a good time and grew so much closer.
Me with Cinta (above)
Me with Katie (below)
Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
